Spring Cleaning…Good Grief!

Spring CleaningSpring cleaning doesn’t just apply to our dwelling, it also applies to the body/mind organism in which we dwell.  Spring is a great time to clear out some of your old mental, emotional and physical clutter.  After a long, dark winter, it can be greatly beneficial to clear out some of that stagnant energy from the winter, change old habits and begin to cleanse the temples that are our bodies.  The thing that we don’t often consider in this mix is the inevitable feeling of GRIEF. When we clear out the old and make way for the new, there is can also be a sense of loss, which can be a loss of a sense of self from digging deep and clearing out old conditioning, or changing our diets or literally clearing out the clutter from our homes.  How do we find peace and balance with this sense of loss?  What can we do to come to terms with the space we have made within ourselves or our environment?  And, most importantly, how do we intend to fill that new space and what do we fill it with? Grief If you want to really clear out the clutter this Spring, grief, no matter how large or small, must be dealt with. Here are some sure fire and simple ways to deal with grief. 1) The only way out of it is through it. Get intimate with your grief. Feel as deeply as you can into it. There are gifts there. It is a feeling that wants acknowledgment and the more that you can just BE with it, the more you will be able to access the wisdom it has to offer. So just exactly how do we access this wisdom? 2) Abide by the Law of Balances We experience life in pairs of opposites. Grief stems from a greater perceived loss than gain. We cannot lose something without an equal gain. A simple exercise that you can do to balance your perception and the subsequent grief you are feeling, is to make a T-chart. Above the T-chart, write what it is you are grieving. On one half of the chart write “loss” and on the other side write, “gain”. Make a list of 10-20 on each side. At some point you will be able to feel a sense of gratitude and peace around what it is you are grieving. The Law of Balances shows us that birth and death are a cycle. With the death of one thing arises the birth of another. With the literal or figurative death you are experiencing, what has that given birth to in your life? Has it given you a renewed sense of life, deeper gratitude for what you have, a new sense of purpose, etc.? 3) See the other side In the Mayan culture, Grief and Praise are considered one and the same. We grieve something because we loved it. We loved it with attachments however. Those attachments could be a sense of self or identity, advantages we perceived that we derived from it, and values that it fulfilled. Grief gives us the opportunity to love whatever it was without condition or attachment. Another aspect of the Mayan’s understanding of grief was that they considered weeping and singing as one and the same as well. Our weeping is our heart’s song to that which we loved. If we feel it or perceive it, there is always another side to it. Take it upon yourself today to ask, “What is the other side to this?” “What else is this showing me?” 4) The Law of Reflections is also the Law of the One and the Many How does this work? For example, if we have “lost” some one in relationship or through death, the traits that we most loved about that one person can now be found in our many other relationships. Matter is neither created nor destroyed it just reveals itself in another form. Our relationships abide in this same way. A simple exercise that you can do is to make a list of all of the traits you loved about that one person and then match those up to the other people/relationships that are present in your life. For example, you may have loved your father’s sense of humor, wit, compassion, patience, etc. What people can you find those traits in that are currently in your life experience now? If it was a thing that you “lost” make a list of values that that thing fulfilled for you and then look for what things, activities and people are currently helping to fulfill those values. Grief is a gift if we know how to unwrap it. The universe is in perfect divine order, perfect equilibrium. It is our responsibility to discover this order in our lives if we want to experience more balance and peace mentally, emotionally and experientially. When we do this, we are able to live with an open heart and hear it song more clearly.]]>

The Power of Play

”You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” – Unknown

            As spring approaches and everything begins to come to life, we become more active and with more activity comes the opportunity for more play.  Play is not only universal across cultures and time, it is essential to well being.  It is not just essential to our own well being, but the well being of our relationships.  As adults, it can be easy to forget our own playfulness as we get consumed with our responsibilities and goals that we want to accomplish.  I have always found that establishing a good balance of being responsibly driven and brazenly playful has indeed helped my life to be filled with joy and creativity.  There is so much you can learn about yourself and others through the act of play.  Either having or cultivating the ability to play keeps us from taking life so seriously and allows us to venture into that timeless realm that children can access so easily.

 Play

For myself, there has always been a bit of a mischievous prankster, a jokester, a jester, a fool on the inside.  Out of this though, has been born much wisdom and understanding.  My endless curiosity has led me down many paths only to see how so many are interconnected.  As an adult, I still have a playful spirit.  Some of my playful outlets have remained the same and many have changed.  Many of my outlets used to be competitive sports, but these days I find much more enjoyment in activities that bring me into the expanse of Nature or into a yoga studio where I face myself, disciplining my mind and my body.  These are forms of exercise, and exercise can be playful.  I like things that exercise my body and allow me to have a riotously good time, as well.  This can be any type of activity really, but what is really needed is for one to be able to have or develop the ability to laugh at one’s Self.  We are human, we are silly, we are freaking hilarious…every thing about us, from our hang-ups and control issues to our individual idiosyncrasies.

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How can we begin to play as adults? First things first, learn to laugh at your self.  If you cannot laugh at yourself, you may be in a bit of a bind, and I would recommend you attend some play therapy, or invite some of your old college buddies over to remind you how it is done.   Seriously though (well, not too seriously), there are so many ways to play throughout your day.  Playfulness, vitality, and laughter go hand in hand.  What is it that makes you laugh out loud, makes you feel alive, brings you joy, moves you into that timeless realm, or all of the above?   I encourage you to make a list of answers to these questions and try doing at least one of them today.  If you have kids, you could also put down whatever it is you are doing and immerse yourself completely in their world for a spell, and let them direct the fun and imagination.  If you have a spouse or partner, do some detective work and find out how they like to play or what makes them laugh and go have some fun!

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The idea of play is unique to each individual, but laughter is universal.  There is nothing quite like a nice guttural laugh to revitalize and reinvigorate you and your day.  Take a moment to be silly or find the perfect April Fool’s joke, since that is right around the corner.  Most importantly, learn to laugh at yourself and you may just find some wisdom in your own foibles.]]>

Go From Resolution to Revolution

“The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.”  – Lao-Tzu

In this New Year that starts with a New Moon, how are you going to start fresh? What are your goals and how to you plan to implement and integrate them?  This year, I propose to challenge myself to move from just making resolutions to making a revolution.  If you are up for the challenge, and ready to create real transformation, your revolution can start by mapping out some real, clear and achievable action steps towards making those resolutions happen.  This is the beginning of making personal resolutions into a personal revolution.

Footsteps

The next move is to put one foot in front of the other, taking at least one single, achievable step each day.  Even if it does not seem like much, you are one step closer to your goal, your desired outcome.  For example, sending an email to a client, making a phone call, or just organizing your desktop, can be one of those steps towards completion.  This is how we begin to make a revolution in our lives, not just a resolution.

 Momentum

MOMENTUM

Another important component of creating lasting change that brings us out of the realm of just intending to do something and taking concrete action is to create and build upon our momentum.  How do we do this?  We do this by celebrating our achievements. Every time you complete a step towards your revolution in the New Year, celebrate it.  Give yourself or your partner a high-five.  Indulge in some healthy self-care, like a massage, a day at the spa, some extra sleep, or some time in nature.  These actions help you to build momentum towards what you want for yourself.  As momentum build upon momentum, your desires become manifest.  If you encounter a setback, look at how it is helping you achieve your purpose.  Ask how it is on the way rather than in the way or instructive instead of obstructive. (For more on how to do that, check out my blog on “Teleological Thinking”)   Take some time before this New Year and write out your goals and intentions, and then make a list of real and achievable steps you can take to start making them happen and create a bigger vision for yourself in the coming year.  Most of all, cultivate the courage to dream big!]]>

Cooking Up Some Holiday Gratitude

Gratitude

Do you want to find more gratitude this holiday season?  If so, there are some simple things you can do to cook up some holiday gratitude.  One of the first and easiest ways to cultivate gratitude this season is to simply make a list of the things that you are grateful for.  When you can see it laid out before you, it is much easier to realize how much you really have to be grateful for.  For many, being grateful for the abundance of people and things in our lives may be easy, but what about the other aspect of the holidays…Family and Relatives.  This is where many people find it hard to be grateful.  We love our families, and this is also where we tend to hide our grudges and judgments.   “If you think you are enlightened, go and spend a week with your family.” – Ramm Daas   What are some ways that we can find gratitude in times when we are feeling more challenged, stressed, or anxious?  How do we deal with a bratty cousin, an obnoxious uncle, or our aunt’s rude boyfriend? Gratitude2 One way to find gratitude for that bratty cousin is to turn the mirror on you by using the Law of Reflections, and asking some pertinent questions. 1)   How am I like that? 2)   Where in my life am I like that? (money, body, time, family, sex, god, mentally, work) 3)   If you are still drawing a blank, ask what your judgment means.  In this case, it is bratty. Maybe for you, bratty means selfish.  Then you can ask where in those areas are you selfish. 4)   When we can see that we are THAT too (that everyone else is just a reflection of us), it engenders compassion.  When we act with compassion, it allows others to drop their walls and masks, which engenders more authentic communication and deeper connection.   Now it may be a little easier for us to like the person now that we can see ourselves in them, but how can I be grateful for them? This is a little harder to do in the moment, so you may want to do this exercise before the family gathering.  Every situation has an equal amount of benefits and drawbacks.  When we know what it is that is being reflected by the person that triggers us, we can own it and be grateful for it.  Let’s take the bratty cousin for example.  If she is really reflecting our own selfishness, then we could look at selfishness and its benefits and drawbacks.  When you can list at least 10 benefits and 10 drawbacks, you are on your way to gratitude.  This can enable you to be grateful for her showing you reflecting that to you and grateful for her.  It will also allow you to feel grateful for your own selfishness.  This allows you to own that trait in yourself.  I like to tell my clients:

“If you can’t be grateful for it, it still owns you.”

Here is an example of the T-Chart of benefits and drawbacks: Selfish                Drawbacks                                      Benefits  

Self-Absorbed

Less Connection w/ others

Missed opportunities

Guilt

Shame

ETC…

Focused

Know myself better

Create own opportunities

Clear on my own vision

Pride

ETC…

  Once you are able to see how much it has benefitted you, you can own it and be grateful for it in your life, as well as the person that shows it to you.  All they are really doing is showing you yourself anyway. When you love that part of yourself, you also love them. In order to spread the love and gratitude this holiday season, it starts with you.  Love them for who they are, and they will become whom you love. “The truth is – your opponent is yourself, and when you embrace yourself, you love the people.” – Dr. John DeMartini COMMENT below and SHARE how you cultivate GRATITUDE! Gratitude1]]>

Are You A Warrior?

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So, how can we apply these qualities to our lives and become what, some would call, a Spiritual Warrior? Let us look at these qualities embodied by a Warrior:
  • Disciplined, internally and externally.
  • Train/practice regularly
  • Have and attitude of persistence
  • They are autonomous and independent
  • Mental focus and fortitude
  • Takes responsibility for choices and actions
  • Flexible and adaptable
  • Understands pain and the consequences of actions
  • Grows stronger through adversity
  • Stays true to Self
  • Integrity & Impeccability of their word

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It appears that being a Spiritual Warrior is really about Self-Mastery.  When we begin to master ourselves, we begin to master our lives.  When we love ourselves, we are more capable of loving others.  Embracing the qualities of a warrior can allow you to be brave in your life and face it with confidence, power and integrity.  For example, by disciplining your mind, you will begin to see the effects internally with the result being less mind chatter, and externally with fewer things that trigger you emotionally.  Developing a regular practice, such as meditation, yoga, working out, affirmations, or breath work, can greatly enhance other qualities, such as an attitude of persistence, mental focus and fortitude, flexibility and adaptability.   Last, but utterly most important, is integrity and impeccability of your word.  These two qualities really define a person and reveal their character.  When we take responsibility for our thoughts, deeds and actions, we become more able to achieve freedom in our lives despite external circumstances, because we become free make choices that are in alignment with who we really are. How are you going to harvest and embrace the qualities of a warrior this Fall?]]>