”You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” – Unknown
As spring approaches and everything begins to come to life, we become more active and with more activity comes the opportunity for more play. Play is not only universal across cultures and time, it is essential to well being. It is not just essential to our own well being, but the well being of our relationships. As adults, it can be easy to forget our own playfulness as we get consumed with our responsibilities and goals that we want to accomplish. I have always found that establishing a good balance of being responsibly driven and brazenly playful has indeed helped my life to be filled with joy and creativity. There is so much you can learn about yourself and others through the act of play. Either having or cultivating the ability to play keeps us from taking life so seriously and allows us to venture into that timeless realm that children can access so easily.
For myself, there has always been a bit of a mischievous prankster, a jokester, a jester, a fool on the inside. Out of this though, has been born much wisdom and understanding. My endless curiosity has led me down many paths only to see how so many are interconnected. As an adult, I still have a playful spirit. Some of my playful outlets have remained the same and many have changed. Many of my outlets used to be competitive sports, but these days I find much more enjoyment in activities that bring me into the expanse of Nature or into a yoga studio where I face myself, disciplining my mind and my body. These are forms of exercise, and exercise can be playful. I like things that exercise my body and allow me to have a riotously good time, as well. This can be any type of activity really, but what is really needed is for one to be able to have or develop the ability to laugh at one’s Self. We are human, we are silly, we are freaking hilarious…every thing about us, from our hang-ups and control issues to our individual idiosyncrasies.
How can we begin to play as adults? First things first, learn to laugh at your self. If you cannot laugh at yourself, you may be in a bit of a bind, and I would recommend you attend some play therapy, or invite some of your old college buddies over to remind you how it is done.
Seriously though (well, not too seriously), there are so many ways to play throughout your day. Playfulness, vitality, and laughter go hand in hand. What is it that makes you laugh out loud, makes you feel alive, brings you joy, moves you into that timeless realm, or all of the above?
I encourage you to make a list of answers to these questions and try doing at least one of them today. If you have kids, you could also put down whatever it is you are doing and immerse yourself completely in their world for a spell, and let them direct the fun and imagination. If you have a spouse or partner, do some detective work and find out how they like to play or what makes them laugh and go have some fun!
The idea of play is unique to each individual, but laughter is universal. There is nothing quite like a nice guttural laugh to revitalize and reinvigorate you and your day. Take a moment to be silly or find the perfect April Fool’s joke, since that is right around the corner. Most importantly, learn to laugh at yourself and you may just find some wisdom in your own foibles.]]>
“The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.” – Lao-Tzu
In this New Year that starts with a New Moon, how are you going to start fresh? What are your goals and how to you plan to implement and integrate them? This year, I propose to challenge myself to move from just making resolutions to making a revolution. If you are up for the challenge, and ready to create real transformation, your revolution can start by mapping out some real, clear and achievable action steps towards making those resolutions happen. This is the beginning of making personal resolutions into a personal revolution.
The next move is to put one foot in front of the other, taking at least one single, achievable step each day. Even if it does not seem like much, you are one step closer to your goal, your desired outcome. For example, sending an email to a client, making a phone call, or just organizing your desktop, can be one of those steps towards completion. This is how we begin to make a revolution in our lives, not just a resolution.
MOMENTUM
Another important component of creating lasting change that brings us out of the realm of just intending to do something and taking concrete action is to create and build upon our momentum. How do we do this? We do this by celebrating our achievements. Every time you complete a step towards your revolution in the New Year, celebrate it. Give yourself or your partner a high-five. Indulge in some healthy self-care, like a massage, a day at the spa, some extra sleep, or some time in nature. These actions help you to build momentum towards what you want for yourself. As momentum build upon momentum, your desires become manifest. If you encounter a setback, look at how it is helping you achieve your purpose. Ask how it is on the way rather than in the way or instructive instead of obstructive. (For more on how to do that, check out my blog on “Teleological Thinking”)
Take some time before this New Year and write out your goals and intentions, and then make a list of real and achievable steps you can take to start making them happen and create a bigger vision for yourself in the coming year. Most of all, cultivate the courage to dream big!]]>
Do you want to find more gratitude this holiday season? If so, there are some simple things you can do to cook up some holiday gratitude. One of the first and easiest ways to cultivate gratitude this season is to simply make a list of the things that you are grateful for. When you can see it laid out before you, it is much easier to realize how much you really have to be grateful for. For many, being grateful for the abundance of people and things in our lives may be easy, but what about the other aspect of the holidays…Family and Relatives. This is where many people find it hard to be grateful. We love our families, and this is also where we tend to hide our grudges and judgments.
“If you think you are enlightened, go and spend a week with your family.” – Ramm Daas
What are some ways that we can find gratitude in times when we are feeling more challenged, stressed, or anxious? How do we deal with a bratty cousin, an obnoxious uncle, or our aunt’s rude boyfriend?
One way to find gratitude for that bratty cousin is to turn the mirror on you by using the Law of Reflections, and asking some pertinent questions.
1) How am I like that?
2) Where in my life am I like that? (money, body, time, family, sex, god, mentally, work)
3) If you are still drawing a blank, ask what your judgment means. In this case, it is bratty. Maybe for you, bratty means selfish. Then you can ask where in those areas are you selfish.
4) When we can see that we are THAT too (that everyone else is just a reflection of us), it engenders compassion. When we act with compassion, it allows others to drop their walls and masks, which engenders more authentic communication and deeper connection.
Now it may be a little easier for us to like the person now that we can see ourselves in them, but how can I be grateful for them?
This is a little harder to do in the moment, so you may want to do this exercise before the family gathering. Every situation has an equal amount of benefits and drawbacks. When we know what it is that is being reflected by the person that triggers us, we can own it and be grateful for it. Let’s take the bratty cousin for example. If she is really reflecting our own selfishness, then we could look at selfishness and its benefits and drawbacks. When you can list at least 10 benefits and 10 drawbacks, you are on your way to gratitude. This can enable you to be grateful for her showing you reflecting that to you and grateful for her. It will also allow you to feel grateful for your own selfishness. This allows you to own that trait in yourself. I like to tell my clients:
“If you can’t be grateful for it, it still owns you.”
Here is an example of the T-Chart of benefits and drawbacks:
Selfish Drawbacks Benefits
Self-Absorbed
Less Connection w/ others
Missed opportunities
Guilt
Shame
ETC…
Focused
Know myself better
Create own opportunities
Clear on my own vision
Pride
ETC…
Once you are able to see how much it has benefitted you, you can own it and be grateful for it in your life, as well as the person that shows it to you. All they are really doing is showing you yourself anyway. When you love that part of yourself, you also love them.
In order to spread the love and gratitude this holiday season, it starts with you. Love them for who they are, and they will become whom you love.
“The truth is – your opponent is yourself, and when you embrace yourself, you love the people.” – Dr. John DeMartini
COMMENT below and SHARE how you cultivate GRATITUDE!
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So, how can we apply these qualities to our lives and become what, some would call, a Spiritual Warrior?
Let us look at these qualities embodied by a Warrior:
Disciplined, internally and externally.
Train/practice regularly
Have and attitude of persistence
They are autonomous and independent
Mental focus and fortitude
Takes responsibility for choices and actions
Flexible and adaptable
Understands pain and the consequences of actions
Grows stronger through adversity
Stays true to Self
Integrity & Impeccability of their word
It appears that being a Spiritual Warrior is really about Self-Mastery. When we begin to master ourselves, we begin to master our lives. When we love ourselves, we are more capable of loving others. Embracing the qualities of a warrior can allow you to be brave in your life and face it with confidence, power and integrity. For example, by disciplining your mind, you will begin to see the effects internally with the result being less mind chatter, and externally with fewer things that trigger you emotionally. Developing a regular practice, such as meditation, yoga, working out, affirmations, or breath work, can greatly enhance other qualities, such as an attitude of persistence, mental focus and fortitude, flexibility and adaptability.
Last, but utterly most important, is integrity and impeccability of your word. These two qualities really define a person and reveal their character. When we take responsibility for our thoughts, deeds and actions, we become more able to achieve freedom in our lives despite external circumstances, because we become free make choices that are in alignment with who we really are.
How are you going to harvest and embrace the qualities of a warrior this Fall?]]>
When you blame others, you give up your power to change. – Robert Anthony
Do You Blame?
Are you aware when you blame? Often, the language we choose to use is a dead give away. Do you ever find yourself using these phrases?-You make me so mad!
-You are driving me crazy!
-The drive makes me miserable!
-Why did (you, God, govt.) do this to me?
-I should have done better!
-I shouldn’t have done that!
-I am late because of…(the weather, construction, alarm clock, et. al.)
Blame turns you into the victim and steals your power. It relinquishes your responsibility for your life and puts the power you have to choose in the hands of someone, something, or some situation. Only you can be responsible for what you think and how you feel.
Blame Feeds Anger
When young children hear phrases like “You make me so mad!” or “You are driving me crazy!” from a parent, they personalize those statements, in large part because the parent is the authority, and then blame themselves for the parent being upset. They have now become the cause of the effect. It may appear to a parent that what they are saying is rather benign, but it is the whole world to a child. It is one of the ways we learn to beat ourselves up and how to pass blame. Blaming the self contributes to many manifestations of anger that show up in the forms of guilt, resentment, shame, and depression. Similarly, this happens in a subtle way when we “should” ourselves. We regret a choice we did or did not make. We also “should” other people, by having an ironclad version of how they are supposed to be. This is also an expectation, which sets you up to let you down, and can allow for anger to come creeping in.
What Can You Do?
1) Watch Your Language
-Be aware of the language you use with yourself and others. Are you using any of the statements stated above?
2) Change Your Language
-Simple changes to the way you say things can greatly help you to take ownership of how you are feeling in the moment. For example, instead of saying:
“You make me so mad!” try expressing your anger this way and take full ownership of your emotions: “When you do, say, have _____________, I feel angry.”
This opens things up for discussion rather than starting off with accusations.
3) Understand The Root of Anger
-In my experience, what underlies anger is helplessness. Anger is great at showing us is where we want to feel empowered in our lives and exactly where we
feel helpless or powerless.
4) Take Action
-Now that you know about anger and helplessness, what actions can you take to begin to empower the area of your life that is bringing up the anger?
Do you need to speak up at work or in your relationship?
Do you need to learn how to communicate better with your family, your partner, or your boss?
5) Realize That No One Can Make You Feel Any Way But Yourself
-“No man may come near me, but through my act.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance. Your thoughts/perceptions govern your feelings.
It can be helpful to look at where you are making yourself the victim in your various life situations through blaming anything from the weather, to your kids, God,
or that “crazy” driver in front of you.
