One way to find gratitude for that bratty cousin is to turn the mirror on you by using the Law of Reflections, and asking some pertinent questions.
1) How am I like that?
2) Where in my life am I like that? (money, body, time, family, sex, god, mentally, work)
3) If you are still drawing a blank, ask what your judgment means. In this case, it is bratty. Maybe for you, bratty means selfish. Then you can ask where in those areas are you selfish.
4) When we can see that we are THAT too (that everyone else is just a reflection of us), it engenders compassion. When we act with compassion, it allows others to drop their walls and masks, which engenders more authentic communication and deeper connection.
Now it may be a little easier for us to like the person now that we can see ourselves in them, but how can I be grateful for them?
This is a little harder to do in the moment, so you may want to do this exercise before the family gathering. Every situation has an equal amount of benefits and drawbacks. When we know what it is that is being reflected by the person that triggers us, we can own it and be grateful for it. Let’s take the bratty cousin for example. If she is really reflecting our own selfishness, then we could look at selfishness and its benefits and drawbacks. When you can list at least 10 benefits and 10 drawbacks, you are on your way to gratitude. This can enable you to be grateful for her showing you reflecting that to you and grateful for her. It will also allow you to feel grateful for your own selfishness. This allows you to own that trait in yourself. I like to tell my clients:
“If you can’t be grateful for it, it still owns you.”
Here is an example of the T-Chart of benefits and drawbacks: Selfish Drawbacks Benefits|
Self-Absorbed Less Connection w/ others Missed opportunities Guilt Shame ETC… |
Focused Know myself better Create own opportunities Clear on my own vision Pride ETC… |
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Interesting mix of Reflections and Gratitude! Always enjoy your newsletters. Your handout from the Reflections Class is on my vision board. It reminds me that, what I am experiencing on a particular day, is coming from my perspective on the situation.(It is reflecting back to me).
If anyone is pondering about taking the Reflections Class, just take it! It is a small investment that will provide you with another tool for your transformation work.
I use a hand written Gratitude List to document gratitude on a regular basis. Writing them down is important to me for several reasons. ie I’ve always had lists for important stuff. The visual review of the list brings back the feelings of joy, happiness & gratitude. I also use the recent additions of the list, in my morning six phase meditation. The active meditation starts my day off right. This is “Vishen’s 6 Phase Meditation” and it only takes about 7 minutes:
Step 1: Grounding
Step 2: Gratitude
Step 3: Remove Negative Charges (ie Forgiveness)
Step 4: Daydream desired accomplishments(ie growth, contributions, material items, etc)
Step 5: Intention: (set intention for how today unfolds)
Step 6: Ask For A Blessing: (to carry out my mission)
With Gratitude,
john
Thanks for the feedback John. I hope you enjoyed the recent holiday. Sarah and I are thinking about offering a Law of Reflections and Vortex II course for a discounted rate to everyone that has taken it before. It will be a great opportunity for more breakthroughs and integration for anyone that has previously used and experienced this work. Let us know if that interests you. We are looking at some dates in early February. 😉