everything wants to live. The stories that we are frequently working to break through are alive; they are alive in our consciousness. These stories are fed by our thoughts and emotions, giving them energy and life. When we bring the light of our awareness to them, they are no longer fed in the same ways or with the same magnitude or intensity. This is why they shift. I define a story as a significant event in childhood that was large enough to create an emotional and/or behavioral pattern that carries out into our adult lives. These stories can originate from events as big as physical or verbal abuse to something as seemingly insignificant as one’s mom not buying them a candy bar at the store. Through these events, we create stories such as, “I don’t matter”, “I don’t deserve love” or, “I can’t get what I want” and more. To a child, the whole world is huge and feelings seem as though they are going to last forever.
Generally, between the ages of 4-9 (more specifically between 5-8) is when we concretize or solidify these stories in our consciousness, because during these ages everything is real; myths and stories are real and so are the stories we tell ourselves. When we emotionally react to something as adults, it is usually because what we are reacting to reminds us of something that occurred at some point in this age range in our lives. The only thing that is different is the form of the situation that is taking place, but the same emotion(s) is being elicited by the situation at hand and the same “story” is playing out and being fed by those emotions. For example, if your mom did not get you that candy bar you wanted as a child and you made up the story “I don’t matter,” then you will find that you experience situations in your adult life that elicit the same emotional response. These are un-integrated emotions that have now become driving forces in your life.
Our emotions are merely a reflection of mind in the body. It can be helpful to think of emotions as energy in motion. Our emotions also adhere to the same laws as thermodynamics. The three laws that govern thermodynamics are: Magnitude, Vector and Charge. Magnitude can be equated to the size or scale of the emotion we are feeling. Vector is who or what we are directing our emotion towards and charge is either positive or negative. Relative to thermodynamics, it can become quite apparent how our emotions equate. Ever wonder why you get “heated” or warm when you are angry or labeled “frigid” or “cold” when you are emotionally shut down? Our emotions are one of our greatest tools for showing us how far out of balance our thoughts or perceptions are.
With these imbalances in emotional energy, we feed our stories and give them life. The longer and more frequently we feed them, the greater the hold they have over our lives and our consciousness. Where attention goes, energy flows. For example, when you feel like “I don’t matter” your attention is drawn in such a way that you now identify with, or become the emotion you are feeling rather than seeing it as separate from who you are. This is because, unconsciously, that story is still true for you. When our attention is directed to how bad, or even how good, we are feeling, we are feeding an imbalance, a polarization, or what can be called a half truth. This leads us away from wholeness and our empowered authentic selves. When we are poised and balanced, that is when the bridge opens from the mind to the heart and we are able to live emotionally open and authentic lives.
Next time you are doing, or attempting to do some inner work, and something seems to “come up” or “get in the way” of that, look at what is going on for you. Our stories will attract or “call in” distractions so that they can live and we have a harder time “seeing” what they are and how they have played out in our lives. These distractions can take many forms, from being late, to hurting ourselves, to our kids or pets either distracting us, getting sick or hurting themselves, and even some sort of audible distraction that doesn’t allow us to hear what is being said. Some helpful questions to ask may be: What is it you were attempting to work on in the first place? What may be trying to live? What is it that “came up” or “got in the way”? How are you feeling because of this? Why is this event happening now? What can I do to make sure this, or some other obstacle does not “get in the way” next time I attempt to work on this issue or story? What is the resistance?
Many times, these things “come up” when we are going to see a coach, facilitator, therapist or counselor. They also present themselves when we may want to attend a self-help class or workshop or when we are doing something for ourselves like massage, energy work or even just alone time. It is helpful to notice or bring attention to where resistance is happening and what we are resisting. Often times, it is in our attempts to find wholeness, balance and love ourselves that we find such resistance. Keep in mind that it may just be something else that wants to live that arose out of our conditioning and fears.]]>