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What Made Me Cry?

At some point in most people’s lives, I think we have dreams or notions of changing the world. So did I. In fact, when I first started my business, it is what became part of my “why”. In many different business trainings, I was asked this question: “What is your why?” In other words, why do you do what you do? For me I wanted to change or revolutionize the world with the tools and techniques I have to offer people. I was also told, by some friends and mentors, that if I didn’t cry, my “why” wasn’t big enough. I thought my “why” was big enough, as I was almost able to muster a tear at the notion of changing the world by helping people create more peace and love in their lives… until today.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” -Rumi

Breakthrough Barriers

Today I was asked the same question, I gave my answer, and then he asked this question in a slightly different way, in a way that I could hear, that wasn’t about my business and me, but about me. He said, “I don’t want to know just what your why is, but tell me your “selfish why,” tell me exactly what it would mean for you if your business were to be as successful as you want it to be and you were making what you want to make.” He paused there and that is when I started to cry. I realized in that moment what my real “why” was. My real “why”, is that I want to be able to witness and experience all of the joys that life has to offer with those that I love the most, the ones I hold the most dear, because who they are and who they are becoming is the most beautiful thing in the world to me and I want to co-create and be there for as much of it as I possibly can. At that moment, I was also envisioning all of the things I wanted to learn, and see, and explore with my family as well. It is my desire to lead a fulfilling life with those I love, because each experience that helps them to grow and become who they are fills me up too. As I had that realization, I also understood that I could not want this for myself without also wanting the same thing for others. This is my “why” and this is what I really want to help others to do too.

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Coming to this realization was not an easy task. It has taken quite some time to get enough of myself out of the way in order for me to arrive at this place, this awareness and this outpouring of joy and gratitude. All the time I use the tools I teach in my own life, and I have experienced some profound shifts and changes. It has been a real struggle at times to shed light in to the darkest recesses of my own being, and I can say it has been worth it a thousand fold. It used to be that I would experience joy, but with a filter of all of the negative conditioning and internal dialogue, that would keep me from being present and really enjoying my experience at all. When we take the journey of loving ourselves, even the darkest parts, that is where the light enters and we begin to integrate and transform those aspects of our lives where we feel stuck, frustrated, angry, sad or anxious. When we walk through our fear and reclaim those parts of ourselves that we have pushed away long ago, that is when we come to really understand what changes the world. What is that you may ask? It is the awakening of our own hearts, which then begin to awaken the hearts of others, and on and on. When you live from what brings your heart the utmost joy that is one of the greatest gifts that you can give to the world and it is a gift that keeps giving.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi